my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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