Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
