i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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