Just cropdusted the office
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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