i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
