you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Randomize
