oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
