We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
