im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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