Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
