My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
