yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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