physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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