You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
