You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
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I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
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I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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