Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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