White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
