Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
