my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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