he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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