note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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