Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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