i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
