3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
