Texts From Last Night

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  (303): View more from Colorado

  So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.

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  (303): So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl. http://tfl.nu/7x7a
  Replies (4) Good night (1104) Bad night (580)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.

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  (305): absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me. http://tfl.nu/yste
  Replies (8) Good night (835) Bad night (3818)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off

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  (703): im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off http://tfl.nu/2ezh
  Replies (63) Good night (1328) Bad night (9660)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.

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  (501): recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree. http://tfl.nu/wbc5
  Replies (86) Good night (9276) Bad night (4425)
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  (415): View more from California

  dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.

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  (415): dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint. http://tfl.nu/divk
  Replies (25) Good night (9243) Bad night (1251)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now

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  (803): If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now http://tfl.nu/b5gc
  Replies (9) Good night (1929) Bad night (3514)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated

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  (860): Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated http://tfl.nu/83mz
  Replies (7) Good night (2106) Bad night (1742)
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  (228): View more from Mississippi

  thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"

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  (228): thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God" http://tfl.nu/z3qu
  Replies (3) Good night (5585) Bad night (1139)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips

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  (253): I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips http://tfl.nu/j5et
  Replies (4) Good night (1614) Bad night (668)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.

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  (914): If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick. http://tfl.nu/06qn
  Replies (6) Good night (1403) Bad night (507)
• Favorite

  (435): View more from Utah

  And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great

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  (435): And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great http://tfl.nu/18wk
  Replies (0) Good night (760) Bad night (452)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?

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  (913): Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk? http://tfl.nu/ufjz
  Replies (6) Good night (871) Bad night (345)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.

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  (207): So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex. http://tfl.nu/btn2
  Replies (7) Good night (1042) Bad night (275)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.

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  (307): Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry. http://tfl.nu/ia83
  Replies (1) Good night (434) Bad night (246)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...

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  (502): My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo... http://tfl.nu/eosy
  Replies (5) Good night (662) Bad night (252)

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