I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
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I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
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I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.