Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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