Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
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so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
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I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.