It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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