Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
