just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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