cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I currently don't understand fingers.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
