he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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