Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
whose parrot is this?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
