Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
