I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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