Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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