I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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