Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
