You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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