even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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