mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
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At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
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I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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