I hate your face
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
