So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
