Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
