ya dads aren't the best wingmen
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Randomize
