his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
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I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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