i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
There r osticjed everywhere
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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