wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
