when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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