she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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