It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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