she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
