My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
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I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
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Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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