My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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