need another drink. this is the easiest way
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
