went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
