I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
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