dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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