Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He shit in the fireplace
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
