WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize