Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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