i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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