Me too!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
