Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
