As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
As shirtless as possible
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
