Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
