dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
